Never Meant To Be
by Naisa
Summary: They were each other's worlds, but fate will cause those worlds to crumble. A series of 10 Mergana drabbles looking at the defining moments between them in the show: when they fell for each other, when things fell apart and, after everything that happened, if they still care. Chapter 5, series 5: It was never meant to be, but they will always wonder what could have been. Complete.
1. Series One: Beauty and Fear

_Hi everyone!_

_Recently I've had a poll on my profile on fanfic on what I should write next, and a series of Merlin/Morgana drabbles currently has the most votes, so after being away from fanfic for a while I have finally found some time to write them. I came up with the idea of looking at the development on their relationship by writing drabbles on particular moments in each series._

_I decided to write 5 chapters with a chapter a series, and 2 drabbles for each series. I thought it might be nice that with the following chapters rather than me choose the moments, you can give requests for which ones you would like to see as a drabble, so if you have any ideas for any of the series, let me know :)_

_Anyway, these first drabbles are both from Merlin's POV at the beginning and near the end of series 1._

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><p><span>Beauty<span>

It was when I stood in her chamber on my first day in Camelot that I was struck by her beauty. Through the embarrassment of pretending to be a maidservant and the worry of what will happen if I get caught, her beauty stunned me.

It was not any ordinary beauty that just makes you smile and move on. It was beauty that fills you up, makes you confused, scared, happy, lost and at peace all at once. It was beauty that went beyond any flower, any sunset.

I was far from home, yet I didn't want to be anywhere else. I was ensnared.

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><p><span>Fear<span>

In a way I should've been proud of her. She was facing mortal danger yet stood her ground. This was no mere King's ward, this was Morgana Pendragon, and she wasn't going to run.

But instead I was scared. For the first time I looked at Morgana, surrounded by enemies of the King, and I felt afraid of her. She wasn't here to fight them, she wanted to help them.

There is no denying that Uther is a bad man, but for Morgana to seek out his death? It made me afraid.

And in a way, that fear never faded.

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><p><em>Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed the drabbles! Series 2 will be next so if you have an idea of what you would like to read for those, either in Merlin's POV or Morgana's, let me know! :)<em>


	2. Serise Two: Dreams and Nightmares

_Onto the series 2 drabbles! CarpeDiemForLife said that they would like to see some drabbles from Morgana's perspective, so these 2 are from Morgana's POV, again from near the beginning and near the end of the series._

_I've just updated this chapter to change the first drabble, as from looking over the episode I wrote it on (series 2 episode 3) I decided that a different scene might work better for the ship. I've also edited the second one a little._

_Anyway, hope you enjoy, please review :)_

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><p><span>End of a Dream<span>

I remember when he gave me flowers.

It was at a time when freezing terror was creeping into my heart at the thought that I might have magic. Yet when I saw the small bunch of flowers and Gwen told me who they were from, I felt a warmth growing inside my heart that I hadn't expected, I even wanted to smile and the day seemed brighter. All because Merlin had brought me flowers.

From then I began to dream that there could, one day, be something more between us.

But even as it started, the dream was beginning its end.

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><p><span>Beginning of a Nightmare<span>

I trusted Merlin. There was a connection between us stronger than I've felt with anyone else. So I could never have imagined what was going through his mind as he passed me what I thought was water. I smiled at him, the last true smile I would ever give him. I told him he was a good friend and thought that he was the kindest man I ever knew.

But those thoughts turned to dust. As soon as the first drop of poison passed my lips everything that could have been between us burned.

And from the ashes the nightmare rose.


	3. Series Three: Found and Lost

_A slightly quicker update than planned for the series 3 drabbles, these are back in Merlin's POV again (next chapter the drabbles will be in Morgana's perspective once more) _

_And for anyone who may be interested I have started a new Merlin AU story, for once not Mergana, about Arthur being cursed with magic and forced to flee Camelot, feel free to have a read if you like :)_

_Anyway I hope you enjoy these drabbles, please review and if there are any scenes in series 4 you would particularly like to see in the next chapter let me know :)_

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><p><span>Found<span>

When she smiled at me, I thought she was back. Morgana had returned, we had found the woman I loved. I couldn't forgive myself for what I had done to her and I knew she would never forgive me. Morgause could give her any reason why I had poisoned her, and it would not be the truth.

But when Morgana smiled, I thought that my bleeding heart could start to heal. Perhaps she did understand, she could forgive me and I could find what I thought we had lost forever.

But deep down I knew the smile was a lie.

Lost

Despite all that had happened, I still believed we hadn't lost her completely. I still thought I might be able to save Morgana somehow, convince her that she should be on Arthur's side, not Morgause's. Between twisted nightmares of her destroying Camelot I dreamed that she might still come back to us and we would welcome her.

But when I saw her sitting on the throne, looking down at a broken King with nothing in her eyes but contempt, I knew that she was gone.

The Morgana I knew would not have done this, the Morgana I loved was lost.


	4. Series Four: Vengeance and Jealousy

_Onto the series 4 drabbles! I struggled a bit with this series trying to work out which moments would work best as a Mergana drabble in the point of view of Morgana. In the end rather than having one from the beginning of the series and one from the end this time I have chosen 2 from the middle, 4x06 and 4x09, I hope you enjoy them :)_

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><p><span>Vengeance<span>

It had been a long time since Merlin and I were left alone. Once I would have savoured this moment, but now I want it to be over quickly. Get the job done and send Merlin on his way. He had tried to kill me once, now I will make him kill his precious Arthur.

But even as I watch Merlin sleep, I take an involuntary step towards him. My hand reaches out to stroke his cheek.

Hurriedly I step back again. I have vengeance to deliver, there is work to do. I cannot let my heart be led astray.

Jealousy

In a way I didn't bring Lancelot back just to stop Gwen from becoming Queen. Of course it was a factor, but there are so many easier ways I could have removed her. However I chose awakening the dead, a love spell and Arthur's wrath. And I did it because I was jealous.

I hated seeing those who betrayed me fall in love with each other when I couldn't have the man I loved. I wanted others to feel my loneliness when I awake from a dream and find Merlin isn't with me. I wanted them to feel my pain.


	5. Series Five: Never Meant to Be

_So, here is the final chapter for the final series. I've decided to do something a little different for this one and just focus on one scene at the very end of the show and from the point of view of both Merlin and Morgana._

_I hope you have enjoyed this little drabble collection :) I usually have a degree of AU in my Merlin stories however with this one I have tried to keep it as close to the show as possible, but of course what goes on in their heads are my own ideas. I've wanted to do something like this for a while so it has been nice to do so, even if it was a short story :)_

_Reviews are much appreciated :)_

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><p><span>Never Meant to Be<span>

Merlin's face is the last thing I see when I die. In a dream life I would've been an elderly woman lying in bed and he holds my hand as I smile and gently slip off into the next world.

Instead I feel sharp, cold steel as the man I used to love murders me.

I should have asked him to join me, or at least let him know my feelings, not dwell in bitter silence and let my life come to a bitter end.

It was never meant to be, but I will always wonder what could have been.

What Could Have Been

I watch Morgana as she dies, as she takes her last breath, and my heart shatters. I tried to tell myself she was the enemy, I shouldn't care for her any more, but I will always remember the time I first saw her smile.

I never wanted to make these decisions, I'm tired of destiny hanging over me making me choose who to kill and who to save. I wanted a normal life, and I would have loved for Morgana to be with me, not against me.

It was never meant to be, but I will always wonder what could have been.


End file.
